Advice on how to choose your therapist

Written By Ewelina T

Finding a therapist

Sometimes, finding a therapist who understands our worldview or environment matters. If you're looking for a therapist with an EA understanding, MentNav provides the most comprehensive list of providers familiar with EA or recommended by EAs.

Lynette Bye listed other US and UK therapist directories here. 

Most countries have popular websites with therapist ratings, which work well for local searches like this one. 

Many therapy approaches have provider directories, such as emotional-focused therapy (EFT) or compassion-focused therapy (CFT).

Most insurance companies can provide a list of in-network mental health providers. If you want to work with a therapist from another country or state, ask your insurance about out-of-network coverage.

Referrals from close friends or people from your work or communities are often the best strategy for finding the right therapist, especially if you've tried searching before and know what you're looking for.

Choosing a type of therapy

Just like effective learning in a classroom needs both suitable teaching materials and skilled teachers, therapy requires both proven methods and skilled practitioners. 

Understanding different therapeutic approaches can help you find an approach that resonates with you. However, a therapist's theoretical orientation matters less than how attentive they are to whether the therapy is actually helping you personally (Miller et al., 2007). 

Initial consultation

Once you've identified potential therapists, it's time to meet them.

Consider meeting with a few different providers, especially if you're new to therapy. These initial conversations will give you a sense of each therapist's style and personality. 

During the consultation, ask about their approach and experience, but also notice how comfortable you feel opening up to them. Trust your instincts about the connection—the quality of the working relationship between therapist and client predicts positive outcomes more strongly than the type of therapy used (Martin et al.,2000). How clients feel about this collaborative relationship is one of the best predictors of therapy success (Horvath and Symonds, 1991). Of course, not connecting with a therapist doesn't mean anything has gone wrong—it might just mean this match isn't right for you.

Questions worth asking a therapist during the first consultation

Here are some questions that you may want to ask your therapist. These questions are starting points – trust your instincts and ask about anything that matters to you. 

  • Do you have regular supervision? Supervision helps therapists refine their skills and gain fresh perspectives.

  • How do you typically work with clients? Ask for specific examples to understand their therapeutic style and methods.

  • Have you helped someone with my specific concerns? Experience with similar issues can be helpful. (Though a therapist's effectiveness usually comes more from their skills than from years of experience with similar cases.)

  • Are you open to feedback? Look for a therapist who welcomes collaboration and is willing to adjust their approach based on your needs.

  • What's your policy on between-session support? Life and our feelings don't stick to a weekly schedule. Clarify their boundaries around communication outside sessions, including crisis support options.

  • How do you feel about working together? Don't pressure yourself to read subtle cues - it's perfectly fine to directly ask how they feel about working together. A good therapist will be honest about whether they can help you.

  • Can you recommend other therapists if needed? Most therapists maintain professional networks and will gladly provide referrals if they do not best suit your needs.

After your initial consultation

Questions worth asking yourself after your first meeting

  • How comfortable was I in their presence? 

    • Did I feel a sense of trust and safety? 

    • Did I feel heard and understood? 

    • Did they show genuine interest and empathy?

  • Was their communication style clear and helpful?

  • Does their experience match my needs?

The complexity of your situation means you may not feel fully understood in the first meeting, and trust naturally develops over time. Nevertheless, your initial feelings are worth paying attention to.

At its core, therapy is a human connection designed to foster positive change. The most transformative relationships emerge from feeling safe and unconditionally accepted and cared for (even during challenging moments)with someone genuinely committed to helping and understanding us. This seems true for therapeutic relationships as well. 

Red flags to watch out for

  • They rush to diagnose without fully understanding your situation.

  • They guarantee specific outcomes or quick results–effective therapists offer hope, not certainty.

  • They pressure you to commit before you're ready.

  • They make sweeping claims about mental health (e.g., "All depression is caused by chemical imbalances").

  • They are defensive when asked the questions listed above.

Next steps

Take time to reflect and trust your instincts. Remember that, like any relationship, a strong therapeutic connection develops gradually.

If, after several sessions, the fit doesn't feel right, it's perfectly okay to discuss this with your therapist or try someone new. If you've shared your concerns and still feel stuck, consider whether it's the type of therapy or the particular therapist that isn't the right match. Choosing not to continue with a specific therapist isn't a failure—it's a valuable step in understanding what helps you feel safe and supported in therapy.

Ewelina T